large and in charge

15 lbs from my pre-pregnancy weight and the scale isn't moving...
I would gladly trade my new boobs for my old tummy
Time to go shopping!

Hospital Bag

In the days before Emi came I googled a bunch of "hospital bag check lists" to see what I would need to bring. Baby Center has a list, The Bump has a list, our hospital had a list, but they were all different and left me a little confused. So to remind myself for the next baby, here is what I brought, what I did and did not use and what I wish I had brought.

• Night gown Bought especially for the hospital stay and didn't wear is once because you can't breast feed in it. Super unnecessary. 
• Cheap underwear Glad I bought them because I used them after I left the hospital, but didn't need to bring them with. I wore the mesh throw away kind they gave me at the hospital while I was there and really preferred that. I had no idea how much you bleed after giving birth! Holy cow! Glad I didn't ruin my own things. 
• Nursing bra Again, glad I bought it, but it wasn't ideal for me at the hospital. 
• Nursing tank-top The greatest thing ever invented. I bought one at Target per a recommendation I read online and my mom ended up buying me four more while I was still in the hospital. These tanks are worth their weight in gold. (Gilligan & O'Malley brand) 
• PJ bottoms I only brought one pair (plus the ones I came in wearing) and had more brought while I was there. I would pack three or so in the future
• Toiletries I brought minis of all my stuff and was so glad I did. The nurses said they had shampoo if I wanted it but I preferred to use my own. Showering for the first time after giving birth was pivotal for my sanity and I'm glad i had my own things including contacts and make-up
• Pads I wore the ones the hospital gave me and then switched to the night time Always kind once I was home. Didn't need to bring any. 
• Nursing pads and cream I cringe at the thought of not having lanolin cream, it was a life-saver. 
• Boppy Didn't pack it and had it brought, makes feeding so much easier. 
• Baby Mittens Emi had long fingernails from the get-go and the hospital doesn't give you a file and shorten them, so someone had to bring me a pair of her little mittens from home so she didn't claw her eyes out. I won't be forgetting this next time. 
• Baby going home outfit no explanation needed here.
• Socks with grippers on the bottom I read this on some list to have to walk the halls, but they're unnecessary. When I did leave my room, which was rare, I wore my flip-flops. I'm a desert girl, what can I say? Plus you sweat a TON after delivery and socks just seemed uncomfortable.  
• Camera
• Lap-top
• Couple changes of clothes, pjs, snacks and HIS OWN PILLOW ;) for Dad
• Scentsy Plug-In and Bar! Seriously. I brought it to be soothing during labor and that just happened too fast to use it, but it was so nice to have in recovery. All the nurses said how our room smelt amazing and it got people taking about Scentsy which I love! I will absolutely be bringing this again! (We warmed Luna in case you're curious... very calming :) )  
• Newspaper! I didn't fill out a baby book (kind of wish I did) but I still wanted to get Emi's hand and footprints and so we had them stamp them on the front page of the newspaper that ran on her birthday! Now it is a keepsake! Will probably have it framed or preserved some how.    

Miss Emi K

Most of you have heard, but on June 12 at 6:36 am (four weeks early!) our sweet baby girl, Emileen Kerry Andrus, made her debut.

Here is how it happened...

I had been having what I now know are contractions Saturday afternoon. They were not painful at all, just a tightening for a few seconds, very similar to how it felt to have her push against me. I even asked someone if that is what a contraction felt like and they said no. Goes to show that labor is different for everyone. Anyway, around midnight Sunday morning I could tell something was different and the contractions started getting a little painful. I started timing them around 2 am, they were ranging from 15-60 seconds long and coming about every 10 minutes. They were too frequent and starting to get too painful to get any sleep. I woke Chris up around 3 and asked him when he thought we should go to the hospital, he said, "I don't know" and I said, "Well I think I'm in labor!" and he said, "I don't know" and went back to sleep. :) haha- funny now but kind of annoying then. Thanks a lot honey.

He woke up to my groaning about an hour later (4 am) and realized that this was actually happening. He threw himself a bag together and I called my mom to let her know we were heading to the hospital. We checked in at the hospital at 4:40am, I remember because you have to write the time on the paperwork. Speaking of which, why on earth did I have to do paperwork?! I had already preregistered and it was just a bunch of signatures, but seriously? I have no idea what I was signing, I was a bit distracted. We sat in the waiting room for about 5 minutes before Carrie, my rockstar of a nurse, brought me into triage. She checked my vitals and had me change and she monitored the baby for a few minutes. She asked me all sorts of questions about my health history and had me rate my pain level from a one to a 10. She said something like, five is like you could cry, 10 is near death (ok she didn't say near death, but the worst). I said four and could tell that she was skeptical about admitting me, especially since I wasn't due for four more weeks. Finally she checked me to see if I had made any progress since my Thursday appointment. Oh had I ever, I was a seven! She got this shocked look on her face and said, "OK, we're having a baby!"

They quickly got us into a labor and delivery room (5:45 am) and realized that they didn't know the results of my Strep B swab I had just had and so they start calling every lab in town to try to find my results, but alas, they could not be found. So they had to treat me as if I were positive, which meant a bag of antibiotics into my IV, not a big deal. I got on a labor ball to help the pain, but I'm pretty sure it just made the contractions come faster, so I just got back into bed and chewed on ice chips. They asked if I wanted to get into the jacuzzi but I could tell if I got in the baby would be born there so I said no. The contractions were coming so fast, right on top of each other, it was the most painful thing I have ever experienced. I found it really helped me to have Chris count for me during the contractions so I knew how much longer they would last, since they were about a minute long. The only problem was he would start counting with my breathing, so I knew the timing was off depending on if I was breathing fast or slow. I found this really annoying, but didn't have the strength to say anything to him.

I had told the nurse I wanted to try to have her naturally, but at one point I did ask for an epidural. I'm weak, what can I say? It never happened though. A bit after 6 am I felt the urge to push (it was just Chris and I in the room) and so I just started pushing and I broke my own water. Chris called the nurse and told her and I asked if I could push and she said no and I said no, I have to push, so I did. They quickly called the on-call doctor in. I kept pushing on my knees, because it felt the most natural and they kept telling me to hold my knees back to my chest to push. Even though I know this is how it is done, it did not feel intuitive. Chris was by my side the entire time, pretty sure he lost circulation to his arm for much of that, up until Emi started crowning. He got all teary eyed and emotional on me and had to sit down :) Carrie, the L&D nurse really stepped in then and talked me through the rest of the delivery. A dozen or so pushes and an episiotomy later, Emi was here!

She cried as soon as she was out, which was music to my ears. She was a little purple-ish right when I saw her but as soon as they rubbed her clean she pinked right up. She has a full head of dark brown hair (which I think will lighten up) and is such a tiny thing. She was 19 in. long and weighed 6 lbs. 10 oz, five days later she was down to just 6 lbs. at her first check up. I'm hoping we'll hear she has put on some more weight next week at her next apt.

She is so beautiful and such a good baby, I don't know how we got so lucky.

On baby watch!

Had my 36 week appointment today. They did the Strep B swab and I asked the Doc. if he was going to check my progress, he said, "Only a Dr. not nearly as good as I am would check you this early, but I will check if you want." I said yes, check, why not. So he starting checking and he gets this weird look on his face... and then he asks, "You're sure this is your first baby?" Me, "Yes." Another weird look on his face. "Are you feeling a lot of pressure right now?" Me, "Yes, that's super uncomfortable." Him, "Well, you're dilated to a 3 and almost completely effaced." (So much for being "such a good Dr." and not wanting to check!)

He was absolutely shocked with how far along I am considering the baby isn't even full-term until next week and that it is my first pregnancy. He said there was no way I was making it to my due date, that she would come in June and that I should tell work I wouldn't be working through the end of the month. I guess I could stay where I am for a while or she could come at any time. That puts us on baby watch! Woohoo!

The Doc. also said that normally they have women wait until their contractions last 1 minute and are 5 minutes apart for an hour and a half before going to the hospital, but he told me I'm going to go super fast and to go to the hospital as soon as my contractions are regular.

It feels so wonderful/scary to know she can come at any time. We've really kicked ourselves into gear on last minute preparations. Hospital paperwork is filled out and my hospital bag is half packed, nursery is mostly ready except for finishing up her curtains which I WILL DO this weekend!! Baby showers have been thrown and we are well stocked in purple and pink (and two dozen tie-dyed onesies!) We have lots of wipes and diapers are in the mail via DiapersDirect.com-- thanks Groupon! I guess ready or not here she comes! 

help unwanted

It seems the bigger this baby gets the more people feel the need to shower me with unwanted advice and "help."
Today was no exception.
I was at Home Depot picking up some tension rods.
An older (65-ish) man who worked there asked if I needed help finding anything.
I told him what I wanted and he walked me to the right isle.
Totally normal and appreciated.
UNTIL he thought it was necessary to also point out the best path to the restrooms.
"Just in case."

Thanks a lot.

Things I want to remember about my first pregnancy: Part II

• I've been craving sweets for all of my third trimester (I've been eating much more in general in my third trimester)
• I didn't have to use the bathroom much more than before I was pregnant until around 30 weeks.  
• I've put on way more weight than I'm supposed to! (see first bullet) I am always surprised/embarrassed when I get on the scale, good thing you lose an instant 15-ish lbs. after birth!  
• I've been sewing for this kid like crazy! So far I've made 9 burp cloths, 6 bibs with washcloth backs, a set of soft blocks that make different noises, a fabric chewy chain, the top of one baby quilt, and have another blanket, and curtains in the works. Here are some pics, the colors look really dull because I took the pic at midnight when the lighting was less than great, they're all much brighter and cuter in person! 
  
  
  


Below are the burpies... I love these because I made the tops out of old tee-shirts I don't wear anymore, two are concert tee's (The Format and The Fray!)


I still need to make one more block, but one of these has a plastic easter egg half filled with rice (glued and duct taped shut!) so it makes a really great sound when you shake it; the other one make a crunchy noise when you touch it. I used mylar balloons and grocery bags for this one.  

and the chewey chain! Should be a good teething toy.

 The nice thing about all this hand-made stuff is that with the exception of the washcloths I backed the bibs with, I already had everything, so they were free! Hooray!
• We had a third ultrasound this week (32 weeks) because I switched meds (I have an intestinal condition) and they want to check to see if the meds have affected the baby's growth. She is absolutely perfect though! They estimate she weighs about 4.5 pounds, which is the 66th percentile. She she is just barely above average in size. She has a very quick heart beat, the highest beats per minute she can have and still be considered normal is 160 and hers was 156. We also learned at this apt. that she is head down now! So if she can just stay that way for 5 more weeks we will be set!
• On Chris' last day of school there was a pile of baby gifts waiting for him at his desk! His pharm class all chipped in and bought a bunch of things off our baby registry! I felt so loved and I don't even know these people! It made my day!
• I started getting what I think is RLS a week or so ago, I would keep waking up in the middle of the night with cramps in my legs and have the urge stretch stretch stretch them! I tried sticking a regular pillow between my knees to keep the blood flow even but that didn't work until I switched to a long body pillow which works like a charm! With the body pillow I can keep space from my ankles all the way up my legs and it gives my belly something to rest against. Plus the fabric on the pillow is super soft and so Chris likes it too! 
• E is a very busy girl! She moves all over the place! It was all kicks for a while, but now she twists, wiggles and rolls more than anything. (Sorry for being all cryptic with the name, you'll know soon enough!)
• Yesterday we had an all day birthing class, it was awesome! We learned about all sort of different breathing and laboring techniques and different birthing options. Chris was not looking forward to going but he ended up really glad he went! He learned a lot and I know he'll be an excellent coach!I've really had a hard time deciding if I want to go natural or use drugs in delivery. I think walking away from the class I've decided I'm going to (try) to progress as much on my own as I can and if I find the pain unbearable than use a analgesic (pain shot) rather than an epidural. We'll see how it turns out.  
• Chris finally set up the crib in the nursery this week! It looks so pretty! Here it is... (again, sorry the colors are so muted, bad lighting! The sides of the pumper and the skirt are actually a bright blue, but you can't even tell in the photos)

• And finally, the belly! These were actually taken a couple weeks ago, but will have to do for now!

Things I Want to Remember About My First Pregnancy: Part I

Tara's List:

• I always knew E was a girl
• When Chris told his parents we were pregnant (at Grandpa Pollock funeral) he said something like,"With death comes new life"
• The day we got a positive pregnancy test we bought "Pregnancy for Dummies"
• I called my doctor the day we found out to see if I could do a blood test to confirm and the receptionist said, "Did you take a home pregnancy test" Me, "yes" Her, "Was it positive?" Me, "yes" Her, "Then you're pregnant."
• It took a long time for me to "feel pregnant" and know it was real- even after hearing the heartbeat-  because I didn't have many symptoms
• After my very first doctor's apt. I had a little bit of spotting and freaked out. Come to find out this is normal in the beginning and especially after an exam.
• I never craved anything strange, I just wanted things I've always wanted in spurts. I've gone through phases of sub sandwiches, oatmeal, cereal, and fruit. 
• However, I have had cotton-mouth my entire pregnancy. I guzzle water like crazy.
• Oatmeal saved my life during the first trimester because my morning sickness was night sickness and oatmeal always put my stomach at ease before bed. Chris became a pro at making me oatmeal at midnight. Thanks, honey! 
• Before I felt her kick, I would feel E push. Rather than a kick or poke it was more of a rising in one specific area. Imagine her arching her back and pushing that into my stomach.
• Chris felt E kick for the first time at 23 weeks (so late because of the anterior placenta). I had to lay on my stomach for a minute for her to kick hard enough (sorry for squishing you, E!)
• My belly looks bigger when I look down on it then when I look in the mirror
• We're giving E my mom's name as her middle name. My mom and I cried when I told her
• I knew my belly button would eventually pop out, but I never knew it was going to become a huge pit before it did that! I can see parts of my belly button I've never seen before!
• I really "popped" between weeks 20 and 22
• I had my first stranger ask me when I was due at 23 weeks- I was tempted to say, "due for what?" and look half confused half offended. I didn't. 
• I started wearing maternity pants around 17 weeks- I think they are the greatest things ever. I love the full panel because my pants stay up and I don't have to worry about flashing anyone when I lean over. 
• Maternity tops on the other hand are so unnecessary. You can find clothes that are cute and long and stretchy enough in normal sizes if you look hard enough. No need to pay $40 for a t-shirt at Motherhood. Try Forever 21, they have a huge selection, plus lets be honest- some of their dresses are short enough to pass as t-shirts! :)
• *Note To Self* - Next time do this a lot earlier!! I bought new, better fitting undies at 23 weeks and holy cow it has made all the difference. 
• Having people ask me how I'm feeling was nice at first, but has become kind of old. I'm fine, baby is fine, everybody is fine. I have to remind myself that they are just being polite and 1. Don't realize that everyone is asking that and 2. What else are they going to say?
• Both times we got to see E she was sucking her thumb/chewing on her hand
• Round ligament pain can feel sharp or dull like cramps
• If I'm not careful when I sneeze I sometimes leak a little bit... TMI?
• Finding cute bedding is hard, but can be done. (Here is what we bought! Just the 4 pc. set)
• We have been financially blessed to much since finding out we're expecting. Little bonuses have been popping up like never before.
• I already love her so much. 
• I think she is going to be a momma's girl- which is just fine by me! (But Chris thinks she is going to be a Daddy's girl)

Chris's list:

• Don't call Tara "BIG"
• Don't laugh when she pees herself
• Buy cereal in bulk
• Get used to very little sex
• If you find milk in the kitchen cabinet, don't worry about it- Tara is just losing her mind.
• Get used to being alone after 7pm (first trimester) because Tara will be asleep already
• Get used to having all of the money go towards maternity clothes and baby stuff
• Get used to being asked your opinion on nursery stuff every day
• Don't be annoyed when you can't feel the baby
• Procrastinating putting up the crib doesn't stop the baby from coming any sooner!

Taken today! 24 weeks 3 days!

{in}conceivable

My infertility is a subject I have wanted to blog about for a long time but I never had the courage to do it. I am going to talk frankly about my lady parts and my sex life and I might use words like ovulate and discharge, so if you're uncomfortable with that you may want to stop reading now, or just skip to the last paragraph.

Chris and I have always wanted kids, we've had baby names picked out since before we got engaged. I started birth control (bc) months before we got engaged because my periods were making me sick, the day I started I always had terrible cramps and became so dizzy I would be nauseous and unable to get out of bed because the room was spinning; it was completely debilitating. My doctor put me on Seasonique bc because unlike normal bc you only have four periods a year with it. I think this was my first mistake on the road to being a mother. Even though it claims that you can get pregnant a month after you stop taking it, I never should have taken something that stopped my body from doing what it was intended to do. This isn't to say I don't believe in birth control, I 100% do, just not one that stops your regular cycle. I was on the pill for 14 months, I stopped taking it six months before we officially started "trying" to get pregnant.

After getting off bc my period was always irregular, I had one every month, but I never had the basic 28 day cycle. My cycle varied from as little as 16 days to as long as 38 days. For those of you who have tracked ovulation before know this makes timing sex nearly impossible. I saw an OB who put me on clomid (which is a drug that hyper stimulates your ovaries to make you release multiple eggs, increasing the chances of pregnancy) but after two rounds we couldn't afford the pricey progesterone tests (blood tests to see if the drug is working) anymore so we had to stop. We were on student insurance at the time and it didn't cover any infertility treatments. I tried ovulation predictor kits but they never seemed to work (but if you are going to give these a try PLEASE don't buy the expensive ones at the drug store, buy them here). This basically left us on our own, out of luck. We kept hoping that eventually my body would restore balance to itself and we would magically get pregnant but that never happened.

After one year of trying (and beyond,) trying to get pregnant becomes emotionally and physically tiring. On the physical subject... sex is more or less ruined for you, just saying. It stops being about pleasure and is strictly for reproductive purposes, there is no spontaneity, no spice, it is all about timing and how many pillows I can use to prop my hips up! :)

Emotionally, it is one of the hardest things a woman can go through. You feel inadequate, broken. I think this is probably intensified for women in the LDS church because we are taught from childhood that we will be mothers, that it is our sacred duty to bring children into this world and rear them in righteousness. If I can't do the one thing I was brought to this earth to do, what good am I? Something is wrong with me. Luckily I have my mom and sisters and one especially wonderful friend who was going through the same thing (you know who you are) to support me and remind me that I'm not broken and I will be a mother, in time. I love them for that.

Unfortunately, part of what makes infertility such a horrible thing is not the pain you feel every month when a stupid, plastic, pee soaked stick breaks your heart month after month, it is people. People who seemingly have no common sense who ask you when are we EVER going to have children? Friends who knew we are trying that stole a baby name we love and literally said to our faces "sorry, we got pregnant first" and then proceed to shove every moment of their pregnancy down my throat and be a constant reminder that I am broken. Another that said how terrible their morning sickness is and how being pregnant is horrible and they wouldn't wish pregnancy on anyone. Not to mention all of the announcements and belly pictures of Facebook and countless people who tell you to "just relax and stop trying" (OH! Is that how you do it?! If only I had known sooner!) And as much as I hate to admit it, I have felt anger towards perfect strangers with ready to pop bellies. I have felt hatred, or something close it, toward girls announcing their second pregnancies. I don't like it, but it is what it is.

When we moved to Boise and I got my job I also got real health insurance and so we decided to give fertility treatments another shot. In August I started seeing a new OB, Dr. Parsons. Chris and I really like him, mostly because he looks slightly like Dr. McDreamy...

Kidding. Mostly because he prescribed my miracle drug: metformin. Metformin is a very common drug that is usually prescribed to diabetes patients, but is also given to women with polycystic ovarian syndrome (cysts on their ovaries). I don't have PCOS, but he prescribed it to me because it helps women ovulate in a similar way that clomid does without overstimulating your ovaries. This eliminates a lot of the risks clomid presents and it eliminates the need for those costly progesterone tests! Woohoo! It worked the first month, meaning I ovulated, not that I got pregnant. I could tell because I had all of the ovulation symptoms I had been reading about for months. I took an ovulation test and sure enough, I had ovulated! It was so exciting! I was skipping around our apartment waving my pee stick! Unfortunately we did not get pregnant that month, but it was a step in the right direction.

I started on the next prescription and also took a leftover refill of clomid I had lying around from the year before. This month I think we were only able to try a few times because I had a week long work trip to Canada right in the middle of my cycle. Two weeks before I was supposed to start my period I started feeling that onset of your period feeling in my belly which really made me angry because it was two weeks early, which isn't surprising, but irritating. It ended up going away and I didn't start my period after all.

Two weeks later at work 1 pm hit and I felt like I got hit by a brick wall, I could barely keep my eyes open. Chris's grandpa had just passed away and we were heading down to St. George the next day for his funeral and so I had the day off. I decided, what the heck, I will take a pregnancy test. After 16 months of negatives, we finally saw a positive pregnancy test. It was the most surreal feeling.

We told Chris' parents and his siblings the next day and my family soon after. We are so grateful for modern medicine and the opportunity it has provided us to be parents. Having struggled with infertility has forever changed me, when I want to complain about not feeling well or feel sorry for my ever growing waist line, I try to remember how for so long I longed for these things and that there are thousands of women (some who are reading this) who have been trying to have children for far longer than we did. If you are struggling with infertility know that you are in my thoughts and prayers.

I am just over 14 weeks along now, officially in my second trimester! We find out if baby is a boy or girl the week of Valentines Day. Our little one is due July 7, 7/7/11! Its a lucky day!

BIG PICTURE UPDATE

Time for a big update on our lives! Starting with July 26th, Chris's 27th Birthday!

I cannot believe my husband is nearly 30! That sounds so old! (No offense to all you 30 year olds out there... ;) ) But everyone who knows Chris knows he is a kid at heart and always will be.

Since his birthday was on a Sunday we celebrated on Saturday. The day started with our traditional McBride birthday breakfast of waffles, strawberries and whipped cream, and opening presents. I got Chris 2 X-Box games. Amazing, I know. I HATE video games, but these were sports games and I got them cheap used from a student here in Rexburg, so I couldn't resist.

For dinner we went out to eat at Red Robin (one of his favorites) and then saw 2, count'em one- two- movies! We saw the second transformers movie and the new Harry Potter, both of which we thought were great.

Here is a picture of us before the movie...

(notice the big blank wall I haven't gotten around to decorate yet...)

Next on the list...

We have another new niece! Brooklyn Joyce Robinson. She was born on July 28th and weighed in at 7 lbs. 1 ounce. She is the 3rd girl in her family, the 7th granddaughter and 8th grandchild on the McBride side, and is our 29th niece/nephew total.

(sorry, no pic!)

On Sunday, August 2nd, we drove to Boise for our newest nephew- River-'s blessing.

(sorry, no pic!)

The next day me, Chris, Denise (my MIL), Cody (BIL), Lyn (SIL), and their 4 kids Noah, Lockly, Lili, and River started our grand road trip.

We drove from Boise to the Oregon Coast and all the way up to coast to Marysville, Washington where Chris's brother Casey lives with his wife and their 4 kids.

Here are some pictures from our adventure!

The view from our hotel in Oregon


Sharing a room with your MIL isn't exactly romantic... :) But we definitely got to know each other better and that I am very happy about.



Everything is so green!

This scary 18-wheeler was following us!

Yes Twilight fans, its true- we stayed a night in FORKS, WA!

Lockly

Me, Noah, Lockly, and Chris

Noah

Marien (Casey and Heather's only girl)

Chase (LOVE THIS PIC! What a face!)

The Seattle skyline

Crazy troll statue under a bridge... his eye is a disco ball and that is a VW bug under his hand!

Space needle

Chris with Captain Obama

Me and my homies... ;)

Pike's Market

The first Starbucks

US

In WA they have George Washington's silhouette on all the the freeway signs, kinda weird

Again for the Twilight fans... in Seattle there was Edward's on 5th right next door to cafe Bella! Sorry its hard to see- I took the pic out the car window while we were driving...

I started calling these silly tree's "the Dr. Suess" trees. Aren't' they funny looking?

All in all it was a fun trip! We got to see a lot of beautiful things and got to spend lots of quality time with family. I am making a trip down to Mesa next week, but besides that the rest of our summer will be pretty relaxing with just work and getting ready for a new semester in September.